Emotional Regulation
Outcome 3, Children have a strong sense of wellbeing
Overview
Milestone. Child develops increasing ability to identify, express and manage their emotional states with adult co-regulation support.
Why it matters. Emotional regulation is the most critical developmental skill for school readiness, peer relationships and learning engagement, built through relationship, not instruction.
Age-banded milestones
- Seeks a caregiver for comfort when upset
- Accepts co-regulation (holding, rocking)
- Beginning to label 'happy' and 'sad' with support
- Uses simple words for feelings with prompting
- Recovers from upset with adult support in 5–10 minutes
- Uses a comfort item or strategy when offered
- Names basic emotions in self and others
- Chooses a calming strategy from 2 options
- Tolerates small disappointments with support
- Uses a familiar calming strategy independently at times
- Talks about feelings after a calm-down
- Waits for a preferred item for short periods
Red flags, when to seek support
If you notice one or more of these patterns, talk with a GP, child health nurse, speech pathologist or occupational therapist for further assessment.
- Meltdowns lasting >30 minutes multiple times a day by age 3
- Frequent self-injury or aggression during dysregulation
- Cannot be soothed by any familiar adult
- No progress in co-regulation over 6 months of consistent support
Strategies & activities
Activities
- Feelings check-in at arrival using a visual emotion scale (1–5)
- Breathing practice embedded in group time (dragon breathing, balloon breathing)
- Calm-down corner with accessible sensory tools and emotion posters
- Emotion identification in stories: “How does she feel? What happened?”
- Co-regulation practice: educator models their own emotional management aloud
Materials
- Visual emotion scale (1–5 or Zones of Regulation format)
- Calm-down corner tools: fidgets, weighted items, soft textures
- Emotion cards and posters at child eye level
- Sand timer or visual timer for regulation breaks
Speech pathologist
- Building emotional vocabulary: frustrated, worried, overwhelmed, calm
- Teaching “I feel ___ because ___” sentence structures
- Social communication around emotional expression and repair
Occupational therapist
- Sensory diet design to support optimal arousal for regulation
- Identifying sensory triggers for dysregulation
- Proprioceptive and vestibular input as regulatory tools
- Designing and equipping the calm-down space with appropriate sensory tools
Educator role
- Name emotions with warmth and without judgement: “I can see you’re really angry”
- Co-regulate: stay calm, stay close, say less
- Teach regulation strategies when the child is calm, not during dysregulation
- Celebrate regulatory moments: “You took a breath. That was incredible.”
Family support
- Use emotion language throughout daily routines, normalise all feelings
- Practise calm-down strategies at home during low-stakes moments
- Share the centre’s emotion visual with family to use consistently
- Avoid dismissing or minimising difficult emotions, validate first
Signs of progress
- 1Can name at least 3 emotions in themselves or others
- 2Uses a calm-down strategy with adult prompting
- 3Begins to use calm-down strategies independently
- 4Recovery time from dysregulation decreasing over weeks
- 5Able to return to activity after a difficult moment with adult support
Related focus areas
Transitions
Child moves between activities, environments or people with increasing predictability, safety and independence.
Sensory Processing
Child processes and responds to sensory input in a way that supports participation and regulation across the childcare day.
Social Engagement
Child initiates and responds to social interaction with adults and peers, showing interest, warmth and awareness of others.
Take emotional regulation further
Download our practitioner-ready summary, milestones, red flags and evidence-based strategies you can share with families and educators today.